i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
