I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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