The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
