He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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