At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
