you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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