He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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