You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
