Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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