You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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