Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
