just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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