I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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