hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
