I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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