and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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