apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
