We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
