You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
