i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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