If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
