I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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