He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
