Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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