I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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