I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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