The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
