1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
