Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
