Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
