I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
