I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
