my phone needs a breathalizer
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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