turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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