Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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