This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
