it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize