yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
