I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
