So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So much Jack, so little girl.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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