So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
