Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
PANTIES FOUND
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