where am i from again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
