i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
