I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
