That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were destined to go to rehab together
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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