how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
