Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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