my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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