im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
