I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
