he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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