i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
