Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
