He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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