When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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