i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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