My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
