sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
