I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
