I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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