last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
