he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
