one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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