Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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