I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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