this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
