My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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