i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
