i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
