new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize