drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
