I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
