i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
