matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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